8/20-Alter Ego

I slowly wake up to a weird, loud noise coming from my living room. Since it was a Christmas eve night I knew what to expect, and I was right, but Santa wasn't what I thought he would be like. Instead of coming through chimney, he broke down our front door with a crowbar. This strange Santa quickly turned and looked at me. "What up bruh bruh," he said to me. "Who are you?" I asked him. "Who do you think I am, cous'. I'm your home boy Santa Clause." After he replied, he reached into his shady red dyed trench coat and threw me a present which were more disappointing then I thought they would be. "Here's them new jays you wanted. Yeah, someone 'donated' them to me." The shoes were old and torn up crocs with cloth patches sown on them to cover up the gaping holes in them. "And here's that lil' ninja sword thing you wanted too," he said as he tossed it to me. It honestly seemed like some broken off scissor blades that were duct taped onto a tree branch. "Well, I'm done in this joint so I'm out!" Before he left I asked a question I've had on my mind for a long time. "Santa, how do you travel all over the world to give presents to the other kids?" He replied with "I'm actually a child in a family of 16 children. So my little homies are giving some Christmas love to the other bros right now. It might take them a while though since we don't have the dough to buy some plane tickets, so they gotta swim." At last, he turned around and left, shouting, "Merry freakiin' Christmas lil' dude, and go back to bed before yo mama catch ya!"